Chapter 1: Alone and Confused

11:00 pm
A Family of three sat in their house
The Father dreamed of a truck that he had a bottomless supply of wood for his so to pile
The Mother dreamed that all the housework was done by her son and she got to relax
The youngest one did not sleep
For he could not shake the feeling that he was incomplete
He tossed and turned for many a hour
"Why do I Feel so Alone?" he asked himself aloud
He Had the smarts, the grades and the talent
He had the best Friends a Guy could ask for
Yet he always felt so cold and alone,
So terribly and utterly alone
There was never a problem he could not solve
But For months now he had felt this way
And for months he did not know why he felt this way
For all he knew he was going crazy
What seemed like an eternity later he looked at the clock
4:59 am
He got up before his alarm
And pulled on his Black winter hat he wore everyday
He stuffed his Laptop in his Pack and walked out the door for yet another day of school
His tenth year of school almost over
Yet another day without sleep
He looked more ragged everyday
His hair unkept
Circles under his eyes so dark
His Friends joked they were painted on
"I'm sitting here with tons of people all around me" he thought, "Then Why do I Feel so Alone?"
It didn't make any sense to him at all.
He always had an answer to any problem
But now that it was him with the problem and he did not have an answer
Walking in the halls he saw couples kissing and hugging
He did not like the idea of dating
Two popular kids go out for sole purpose of going out
And when the two are finally bored with each other they split up and do it again
There are never any real feelings between the two
Three more days of the same
Three more days without sleep
And he slowly started realize why it was he felt so cold and alone
So terribly and utterly alone
He denied the reason of why and pushed the thought away
Three more days of the same
Three more days of seeing the couples in the halls
It hurt him inside
One day after school his two best friends called
They asked him to come over for a round of Halo2
They laughed every time a player died
But the boy with black winter hat barely even pushed a button
He just stared blankly at the screen
Thinking of that four letter word over and over again
Suddenly the screen went dark
"Man, we have to talk" they said
"Oh shit, here it comes" he thought
"Why are you so depressed all the time?"one asked
"You cant help me" Said the boy in the black winter hat
"Try us" the other said
He was telling the truth, they could not help him with this, then why must they persist?
He felt stupid for even saying it in his head
Saying it aloud would only make it worse
But he knew they would not stop until he told them what was wrong
So he did
“I want to love someone so much that when I am with that person, the whole world could disappear and I wouldn’t even care,”
“I want to love someone so much that when I walk into the room their eyes light up when they see me"
Once he started, the emotion flooded out of him before he had time to think, or take it back.
“I want someone to love me so much, that they would do anything for me."
"I want someone to lie in a hammock with and look at the stars and just be with that person and feel safe and not have a care in the world."
"I want to be with someone and not have to worry about what they think of my likes and dislikes or my actions or how i dressed on one certain day because I know its only good.
"I want to love and be loved in return...for real"
“I can’t believe I just told you all that…I’m feel so stupid.”
The twins looked at each other in doubt
For they knew they really could not help him
For what he wanted, just did not egoist
It all seems as though all people care about now is looks and money
There is just no such thing as true love anymore
The One Thing he wanted more than anything in life
Is the One Thing that he can't have
They searched for something to say
".....so, you think you can beat me?" said the shorter one
"I can try..."  he said simply
After a few hours the boy with the black winter hat said his goodbyes put on his shoes and walked out the door
"What should we do?" the taller one asked to no one in particular,
as they both stood in their driveway waking the boy with the back winter hat walk slowly away
For over an hour he just walked and thought, without seeing the road before him
He was tired of all the normal hassles of life
With this added problem, they became too much
He wanted to be alone from the familiar
He wanted change
He wanted to leave, not forever, just for a little while so he could think about what he was going through
He had had always liked to travel but he never had gotten a chance in many years
When he did travel, he was almost actually happy...for a time
There were two places he been before that he had felt this way
One was too far
But one was close by
Boston
It was the logical choice
"Then thats where I will go" He thought
Later that night he packed a bag and wrote a letter on his computer
Set the timer, grabbed his wallet and jumped out his window
"I'll come back, just before school starts up again...before summer is gone..."

*************************

The next morning a family of two woke to the sound of music at 9am
They both looked around to find where the sound was coming from
"I wanna heal....I wanna feel...what I thought was never real..."
The sever computer in the eldists child's room had been set to turn on and open two files at 9am
One file was the song "I wanna heal" by Likin Park
The other was a letter to the parents of the boy with the black winter hat
"I know I won't find what i want where I am going but at least, for a while, I will be content,not that you care. I will be fine so don't worry,not that you will , I have my money. I'll come back, just before school starts up again...before summer is gone..."
The mothers eyes widened in surprise
"What is it that he whats?" she thought while reading the letter
"...I just need to get away from the slings and arrows of life for a while, (and you two)think about about things."
-Sencirley Me
"What does da slings an' arrows part mean?" asked the father chewing on a peice of bacon.
*******************************

The large clock above the Amtrack train station stuck 9 as a long train pulled into sight
The status of the 9am train on the arrival/departure screen changed from Traveling to Unloading
As the doors opened scores of business people in back suites poured out into the station
One teeanged boy in dark blue jeans, navy blue long sleeve shirt, blue, light-blue, unbuttoned plaid shirt over that and a black winter hat steeped out, into the crud
Realizing he stuck out in the crowd he pulled his backpack tighter to him and yanked his black winter hat down over his eyes
He looked over his shoulder as if expecting someone to recognize him speed walked out of the station, and onto the street
After the station was out of sight looked around and fully took in the sights of the city
He found himself at a four way intersection, two streets were regular tared roads, the other two were cobblestone streets!
There were small yet weathly stores all up and down all four of the roads, it seemed as though the wide cobblestone streets were for people only, no cars
He waited for the flow of cars to stop and crossed over onto the cobblestone street, as he walked he saw a small store for just about every product imaginable
"Guitars...model railroading...bikes...paint ball...shoes...art supplies...clothes...radio shack...Rob's fishing and hunting...ooooooh-snowboards! Man! They got everything here!" he said aloud
He looked up and saw a man and a woman standing in front of an eye care shop
They looked only a few years older him "18 or 19 I think, maybe 20?" he thought
"...I like that one better" the women said
"I don't know..." said the man, his voice was a little shaky"...I like the ones you have on now"
She turned her head and looked up at him though a pair of small rim-less glasses
She then hugged his arm and said "Your always so sweet to me..."
The man flushed slightly and released a breath he did not seem to know he was holding
As they walked away the boy with the black winter hat stood there with a dumbfounded look on his face
If he did not know better, he would have thought there were actually true feelings between the two
"No, no, no" he grumbled "It does not  work like that any more, he must be rich or have a nice car, or something."
He reached into his bag and pulled out his Zune
He had organized all his "jazz" music not by artist or album, but by what images they formed in his head
Music>genres>Jazz>play lists>cityscene>play all *click!*
He loved being in the city
He stuck the earbuds in and started slowly down the street, hands in his pockets, chin up, and for once in such a long time, a real smile spread across his face